open us this is a raid
by callmesandy
Summary: Nat didn't remember dying. She didn't remember anything. Nothing about what had happened at least since she'd stood at Fury's grave talking to Steve. (Post-endgame)


For the trope bingo square: happy endings. Opening quote and title from You are not alone written by Jeff Tweedy. Not mine, no profit garnered.

* * *

_A broken home_  
_A broken heart_  
_Isolated and afraid_  
_Open up this is a raid_  
_I wanna get it through to you_  
_You're not alone_

There were gods and magicians or sorcerers whatever they were calling themselves and actual fact science fiction superheroes. Fury told her that he'd met a monster that looked like a cat that wasn't a monster at all but it had swallowed the tesseract. So as Fury looked at her, he said, "I guess in the grand scheme of the world, it's not much of a surprise that you would turn up alive."

Nat didn't remember dying. She didn't remember anything. Nothing about what had happened at least since she'd stood at Fury's grave talking to Steve. Fury told her she'd missed out on a lot but maybe not really. She'd been found in some sort of warp space or something both metaphysical and scientific. She pondered and decided it wasn't worth pressing for details.

"It makes a sort of sense," Bruce said. "You died in 2014. The last thing you remember is from 2014."

"Except it's 2023," Nat said cautiously.

"Yeah," Fury said. "We're very glad you're alive, Natasha."

"That's nice to hear," she said.

Her body was from 2023. She could tell immediately from sitting up and moving her hands. Her responses were slightly off. What a drag, she thought.

One of the magicians named Wong examined her with sparkling lights and making her drink something that tasted strongly of celery. She'd never thought of celery as mystical.

"It's not," Wong said. "We add the celery for taste."

"Okay," Nat said.

Wong told her magic couldn't restore her memory. He noted she would stay alive for the rest of her natural life. "That's good," Nat said.

"You won't die again because of the soul stone. That's what I mean."

"Okay," Nat said.

With all the examinations done, Nat stayed in the new Avengers compound, about four miles from the old one. She didn't remember the old one. She spent two weeks catching up on everything she missed. Tony was dead. Steve had retired. Wakanda was a wonder of technology. She had a new nephew. Bruce set her up a Netflix feed and a Disney Plus feed and a Hulu one and a few others. "I thought," Bruce said. "You can catch up on movies and TV."

"Okay," Nat said. She was still a little taken aback by Bruce Hulk. It wasn't just the integration. He felt deeply for her and she had to fill in nine years of history to guess at his attachment.

He came by every day with lunch. She tried to mirror something back to him but she felt out of practice and then it was exhausting. A month ago she was setting out to find herself. It was a silly notion but she was excited by it.

Apparently she had found herself. People had missed her, profoundly. It made her happy and it twisted something like anger in her gut. She had to do that all over again.

But she was alive.

She went to Clint's with relief. She knew everyone except Nate and they loved her. She loved them. It was easy, she remembered how to do this.

Laura knew all about how Nat had grown so she was able to fill in lots of details. She didn't mind. "It's like gossip but not bad," Laura said, laughing.

Nat went with Laura to Laura's Ash People meetings. They had a more official name, but that's what Laura called it. There was so much to get used to, to adapt to. There were government services people could sign up for and churches, synagogues, mosques all pitching in. Nat felt that at that moment, without her memories, she was more Ash brought back than survivor.

There were people at the meetings who had real problems. They came back to remarried spouses, babies that were five years old. Someone had taken their jobs or their jobs were long gone. The nearest town to the Bartons had two mayors.

Also, the Ash people came back to so many dead. Planes had crashed, cars had hit each other, surgeons went to dust holding scalpels. It had been sickening to read and it was worse for Nat to hear about again, from people sharing their stories.

Other people just died, like people do over the course of five years.

"Of course, you spent that time holding things together," Laura said. "Sounds just like you."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Nat said.

"You doubt it?"

"No," Nat said. "It's just, I'm surprised. A little."

"A good surprise," Laura said.

Clint, apparently, had taken up mass murder.

"I'm not saying it was good decision making," Clint said.

"You don't say," Nat said.

Clint said, "Well, now I get to make up for it, right? That's how it works."

"Of course," Nat said.

After three months, she had settled into a kind of rhythm. Laura said Nat had stayed with them for a month after she released all those records. So she was repeating herself.

Okoye from Wakanda called and offered her a space. "All of Wakanda owes you," she said. "At least we owe you enough to let you stay for a few weeks."

Nat smiled. "I'd love to." She would love to, she realized. She meant to find herself, which sounded unbelievably hokey even in her head. Staying with the Bartons felt like a small retreat.

Wakanda was breathtaking. Every facet of it was incredible. She decided not to even try for nonchalance. She wore all of it on her face.

"We are rebuilding here as well," Okoye said.

"You don't need my help," Nat said.

"Not at all," Okoye said. "I offered you a place to rest and recuperate."

Shuri examined her head. "I don't care what the magic people said," Shuri said, squinting at a display Nat couldn't see. "We can solve problems here, too."

Nat closed her eyes and there were lights against her eyelids and a pulse at the base of her skull. No celery taste this time. "If it works, it will be gradual," Shuri said. "Sudden shocks aren't the best for brains."

"I agree," Nat said. She wondered how much Shuri's method could fix.

Okoye let Nat train with the Dora Milaje. She was pretty sure she was treated with kid gloves, even more lightly than the young girls in training. Nat hoped they got something out of it.

She finally asked for just one session where they didn't hold back. Okoye said, "You won't do well."

"I know," Nat said, nearly laughing.

She ended up battered and aching. She'd barely landed a punch. It was absolutely wonderful. She said, "Let's do that again, please?"

They made her wait a week but she did get to do it again. She didn't fare any better but it was still exhilarating.

Then Clint called, he had a problem. She went, of course.

Clint, apparently, was being hunted. "They're avenging," Nat said.

"That's comforting," Clint said.

Nat looked through the info Clint had given her. "Did you attack any white people?"

"Yes, lots," Clint said. "Lots. White nationalists. Militia in Wyoming and some all white biker gang that tried to take over a whole town. I killed predominantly white people. I don't know why I'm trying to justify this."

"You sound very defensive," Nat said.

"Are you teasing me about my murders?"

"You teased me about mine," Nat said.

They set up surveillance first. The ideal plan was to simply get rid of anyone who was close and by doing so, misdirect everyone else. They found the four groups who were looking and within those groups, about eight guys who had the right region. No one had Clint's name. "But they've put together some clues from the SHIELD files," Clint said.

"I have a few ideas," Nat said.

They were all good ideas. Just a little killing and a few planted pieces of evidence. They were all bad people, after all. Clint went north toward Canada to do a little more work while Nat was holed up in a motel.

Someone knocked on the door. Nat had already blocked the peephole so she slightly opened the door with her gun. "Who is it?"

"Come on," someone said. She recognized the voice and opened the door all the way.

"Sam," she said. She pulled him in as she hugged him. "What's Captain America doing here?"

"I'm not actually Captain America," he said. He was dressed in his civvies but he still looked like he could break anyone in half. "You and Barton have been killing people again."

"They weren't very nice people," she said.

"That totally justifies it," Sam said.

"It justifies it a little," Nat said.

"I understand you believe it," Sam said. "Of course, no one can prove it. But I really hope you're done."

"We're done," Nat said. She smiled. "It's so good to see you."

"Better to see you," Sam said. "You're not charming me out of my anger."

"It's more slight irritation," Nat said. "Let's be honest."

"Fine," Sam said. "Just get out of town, okay?"

"Yup," She stood up and hugged him. It felt good. Familiar.

She left a message for Clint and went south. Somewhere south.

Her memories were coming back. Like waves lapping the beach. Things came to her in a dream and then they were real when she woke up. She remembered who Bruce was to her, had been, she remembered working with Steve and Wanda and Sam and Vision and Rhodey. She remembered five years of trying to holding things together.

She hiked a hill somewhere slightly east of El Paso and found a very private place to process. She missed everyone. Tony, Steve, Vision, all of them. She'd loved living in the Compound, working with Sam, Steve, Rhodey, Wanda. Vision. More time with Steve and Sam on the run. A good life.

The wind picked up and she felt cold. She'd been crying. Which was processing. There had been a woman in her sixties at the Ash People meetings. She'd come back in a field, she'd been in a plane. She felt like she was nuts, just plain nuts that the thing she kept coming back to was the field and the plane. Earth and sky. "Does that mean God is everywhere? Does that mean someone somewhere thought more about the second step? Why do I come back but the people who died in the plane crash don't? What happened to my luggage? What does anything mean after all?"

Nat wiped at her face. Enough processing. She had places to go. She had things to do.


End file.
